An elderly man discovered his bank account had been emptied by his son only when he couldn’t front up with the money for an important operation.

His ordeal is among the hordes of heartbreaking stories about senior Northlanders enduring elder abuse, often at the hands of their loved ones.

The family of the 82-year-old man have anonymously spoken about their dad’s experience which they say broke his heart.

Their dad had been living with his eldest son, who had taken the role of primary caregiver amid his father’s ailing health.

“It was such a gradual deception,” a family member said.

They described the pair as having a close bond, which at the time had no sinister tell-tale signs of what was going on.

“Looking back, they were there. Like when we would take dad out and his card would decline trying to get lunch at a cafe even though he should’ve had money.

“But you’d never think he was slowly being robbed. You’d just assume it was an issue with the card machine.”

The charade unravelled when all three siblings accompanied their dad to a medical appointment.

“My brother did all sorts to try and stop us from going. He told us the appointment had been changed, cancelled, dad didn’t want us there – everything and anything.”

The strange behaviour made them more determined to attend the appointment, where they learned he needed surgery.

“Afterwards, we were helping him work out the costs and how to pay and that’s when we learned his account was empty – not even a cent.”

Only one other person had access to their dad’s accounts, they said.

The father opted not to press charges against his son.

“It’s too hard to talk about in detail but what we will say is that it broke dad’s heart.”

Age Concern Kaitāia manager Julie Moebus said there was a lot more elder abuse in Northland than people realised.

And sadly, Moebus said, the majority of the abuse is carried out by family.

Office for Seniors indicated financial abuse as one of the most common forms of elder abuse, which includes psychological, physical, sexual, institutional or neglect.

Common scenarios Moebus saw in Northland were grandparents being left with their grandchildren and having to care for them on their pensions; children spending their parents’ money, sometimes without their knowledge; or confiscating their Eftpos and credit cards.

Then there were the kids who moved into their parents’ home to look after them but expected their parents to pay for everything or moved them into a lesser room.

Moebus said at the extreme end were the kids who drained their parent’s bank account.

“Sometimes the parents lose their homes because they’ve got no money. They can’t buy themselves anything, they’re struggling for food and struggling for heating.”

Moebus said seniors experiencing elder abuse often felt a lot of shame and fear.

“They become too scared to talk to anybody.”

According to the Ministry for Seniors, anecdotal studies show 96 per cent of cases go unreported as victims are reluctant to speak out due to the consequences for their abuser.

But Seniors ASAP Trust founder Rachel Windle said knowing who to turn to could be “overwhelmingly hard” for people “because it’s not obvious who to ring”.

That coupled with the fear of losing contact with family often saw people “uncomfortably” walk away without seeking help, Windle said.

To help remedy the issue, the experienced social worker established the Whangārei-based trust with fellow trustees Sally Raymond-Paikea, Emily King, and Gail White.

Together they provide “easy to access” intervention services and support for older people experiencing or at risk of elder abuse. The trust is currently fundraising to ensure the necessary services are able to be provided at no cost.

A core part of the trust’s mission is to push for a “much-needed” adult protective service in New Zealand to address systems often too sluggish to help elderly people in time.

“For us, it’s about doing the right thing at the right time. It needs to be fast, it needs to be available and accessible because time is of the essence for older people,” Windle said.

“I’ve been involved in some cases where our systems weren’t fast enough and the person actually passed away in situations they would not have chosen for themselves.”

Windle’s experience had shown her that while some elder abuse is intentional at other times it is the outcome of burnt-out carers.

Where to get help in Northland:

Kaitāia Age Concern (responds to elder abuse for all of Northland) – 09 408 2997 or 027 408 2997 / ageconcernkta@xtra.co.nz

Seniors ASAP Trust – 022 676 1673 / Online via “contact us form” available at www.asaptrust.nz / email connect@asaptrust.nz /

If you can’t find a service close to you, call 0800 EA NOT OK (0800 32 668 65); or Age Concern 0800 65 2 105