WARNING: Sexual content

A Northland mum wants sex education in the classroom reviewed after a “disturbing” school handout stole her 12-year-old daughter’s innocence, she says.

She and other parents are removing their children from Tauraroa Area School in the wake of the two-page document given to pupils aged 11 to 13.

Principal Grant Burns apologised for the handout that was designed to answer anonymous student questions in a “factual, free of shame or embarrassment” way.

The first sheet addressed curiosities about periods, toxic relationships, privates – or whether the teacher preferred chicken nuggets over dino nuggets, how to grow hair on “fake balls”, and why are monkeys fat.

Page two answered “how is sex done?” by explaining the five different legal classifications of sex – genital, digital, object, oral, and anal.

“People should find a partner who is considerate to their needs and can communicate about their desires to achieve a respectful sexual relationship,” part of the answer read.

Burns said every question was assumed to be authentic so was answered factually without bias.

“I sincerely apologise for this information being shared with our young people through our school,” he said.

“It is regrettable that the information went beyond the scope of the sexuality programme as outlined to parents.

“We acknowledge that a balance must be struck between providing open, factual information and keeping information relevant to the ages of students involved.”

He said everyone involved had since become “acutely aware” of the harm sharing “inappropriate information” can cause.

The Ministry of Education had not received any formal complaints about the incident.

Regardless, Burns confirmed teachers would no longer respond to all questions posted in the anonymous question box format.

But the mum of the 12-year-old daughter who came home with the “really weird” handout says there is no reversing the damage.

“To me, it felt like such an invasion because they had taken her innocence in a sense… I think what makes me the angriest is I can’t go back in time and take that from her head – it’s done.

“I feel dirty and yuck knowing it is being taught to such young minds. That’s what’s so disturbing to me,” she said.

The handout came shortly after the mum had paused her daughter’s participation in sexuality education which only began at the start of this term.

She had been carefully working through the curriculum to determine what was appropriate for her daughter so she didn’t go “too far ahead” for her age.

She said her daughter was taken out of Friday’s lesson as a precaution but was still given a handout.

And when her daughter arrived home, she showed her mum the papers.

“I was fuming at the start,” the mum said. “I had to say to her, sorry, I’m not angry at you – you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m just frustrated this has happened when I’ve asked for it not to happen.”

The mum spoke to a friend, whose child also received the handout in class but gave it back as she felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to read it.

“They’re supposed to be children, they shouldn’t have to be exposed to that at all,” the mum said.

She gate keeps inappropriate material by not yet allowing her daughter to have a cellphone or social media accounts and they watch Youtube together.

“I try to guide her as much as possible,” she said, adding she and her husband have fostered an environment where they can have very open conversations with their children.

“We’ve always used normal words like penis and vagina because we want it to be a normal thing but to talk to 11 and 12-year-olds about sex toys.

“That’s what she keeps talking about. She’s like what are those, what do they look like? Left to their own devices a child is probably going to start googling because you’ve just sparked this curiosity that wouldn’t have otherwise been there,” she said.

The mum wants to see a full review of sexuality education for children under 16.

“What is the main goal: sexualise children or help them navigate themselves or their identity?” she said.

“Some of it is good – consent, absolutely – but other parts of it should be done on a much more basic term. I don’t think there should be details on how to pleasure someone else.”

The mum would prefer a greater focus for younger children on learning about one’s body.

She said it was especially important to get it right because teachers – not psychologists – were the ones leading kids in terms of gender and sexuality.

“If kids aren’t able to discuss this stuff at home – because they can’t or don’t have a safe environment to have those conversations – then they’re going to go to the teacher to discuss it.”

She questioned what right teachers have to initiate these discussions “if they are unable to go over the consequences of those talks.”

Burns said the Tauraroa Area School teacher who wrote Friday’s handout was a “long-standing classroom practitioner” experienced in the subject.

He told the Advocate she had recently completed a Family Planning course on teaching sexuality which had encouraged teachers to be open when answering student questions – however explicit.

“It also felt that by sharing the different definitions of sex raised awareness of what legally defines sexual relations, in case of rape, sexual abuse etcetera.”

Burns said the teacher believed she was acting in line with the advice given on the course by creating the handout – which was not provided by Family Planning.

Family Planning communication manager Sue Reid provided the Advocate with A Guide For The Year 1 – 10 Resources which addresses answering student questions.

It encourages teachers to be prepared to answer questions on a wide range of topics and says they are legally entitled to answer any question asked.

The resource talks about how connecting with students over questions is “extremely worthwhile” as it may “encourage them to open up and seek support when needed”.

“If it is decided not to answer a question, provide a reason for this and do so positively so that students feel safe to continue asking questions,” the document reads.

Burns said continued training will be offered to the teacher – same as all staff given the constant changes occurring in the subject area.

Keeping up with an ‘ever-changing world’

Tauraroa Area School principal Grant Burns says the world is changing with children reaching puberty sooner and easier access to pornography.

“It is essential that educators stay relevant, to ensure that context is taught alongside what the students are finding out for themselves – often in an online environment.”

One challenge he identified was that students were accessing pornography easily.

A 2018 study published by the Office of Film and Literature Classification found that one in four teens first saw explicit images and video, or graphic movies, before age 12. Of those, 71 per cent were not even looking for porn at the time.

Patsy Henderson-Watt, director of the Miriam Centre counselling service, previously told the Advocate young people were learning about intimacy and relationships from their screens or alternatively through their experiences of sexual abuse.

Burns said a stagnant curriculum wouldn’t keep up with the ever-changing world “where the internet is a significant source of – sometimes inaccurate and or unhealthy information.”

In addition, he said schools were also trying to respond to the increasing number of students openly identifying as transgender or non-gender specific.

Therefore, sex needed to be understood beyond the traditional heterosexual context.

“As a school, we must be inclusive of all sexualities and orientations. Within this context, we must be sensitive to a wide range of cultural and family beliefs,” Burns said.

The Ministry of Education (MoE) helped schools respond to the evolving world by releasing updated guidance for Relationships and Sexuality Education in September 2020.

Furthermore, a range of resources was introduced this year to help implement that guidance.

But Isabel Evans, Ministry of Education Hautū (leader) Te Tai Raro (North), said schools knew their communities and were, therefore, best placed to make decisions about ways to incorporate relationship and sexuality education into their local curriculum.

They could lean on curriculum leads, who provide in-school support to design learning across the curriculum to promote wellbeing.

Evans said schools had to consult with their school communities at least every two years on the content and delivery of relationships and sexuality education.

“This makes sure that this learning reflects the values and needs of a school’s community.”